Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Boring car ride? Read every food & drinks rapper you can find .

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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fall asleep in the shower.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.