Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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You take showers on school morning because you like to stand there under the hot water just thinking about life while your warm

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Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Poo really loud

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.