Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.