When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.