Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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Picking my nose.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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make south park refferences every day

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.