Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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I was the real Stig...

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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TV turned on just so... Makes you not feeling alone or because some other unknown (or) irrational reason.And of course, feeling guilty cause you spending energy and money but still... Most of the time you just don't care.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.