Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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make south park refferences every day

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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I gotta get down of Friday

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.