start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.