Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

Use my phone to see what time it is

If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

I mean Diana Ross.

Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

Lay in bed , and think what i could of said while i was talking to my crush or what could of happen.

Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.