start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Sitting down in the shower

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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make south park refferences every day

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.