Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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make south park refferences every day

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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I gotta get down of Friday

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.