I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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Do somthing only you do

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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I read the down voted posts

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.