I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.