When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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I mean Diana Ross.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.