When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Sitting down in the shower

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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make south park refferences every day

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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I gotta get down of Friday

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.