Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.