When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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fap

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Picking my nose.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.