When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

I mean Diana Ross.

If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.