turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.