I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.