When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.