i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.