When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Use my phone to see what time it is

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Try stick to something but fail in the end

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I scratch and sniff.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

thumb_up thumb_down -16

When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Be a loner at school

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.