browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Tear up when I poop

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.