Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.