WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Save more than once on your favourite game.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.