When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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Do somthing only you do

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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I read the down voted posts

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.