- Things You Think Only You Do

Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

I mean Diana Ross.

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.