A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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I scratch and sniff.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Be a loner at school

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.