- Things You Think Only You Do

I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.