Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Have a big twitch, freak out when you are dosing off in class but suddenly wake up.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.