Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.