Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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make south park refferences every day

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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I was the real Stig...

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.