i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Make up a song to yourself.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.