click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.