When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.