Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.