Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Courtesy flush.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.