When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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I think of who will I save if a killer come to school

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.