Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.