Sometimes I toot.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I mean Diana Ross.

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.