Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.