You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.