Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

Make up a song to yourself.

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.