Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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Poo really loud

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Boinked my neighbor

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.