When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.