use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Make up a song to yourself.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.