If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.