When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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Courtesy flush.

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Boinked my neighbor

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.