OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.