Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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Picking my nose.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.