I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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I scratch and sniff.

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.