If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.