I gotta get down of Friday

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.