When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

thumb_up thumb_down -109

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Use my phone to see what time it is

thumb_up thumb_down +6

You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

not be afraid of hurricane sandy

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

thumb_up thumb_down

Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

thumb_up thumb_down

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

thumb_up thumb_down

Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

thumb_up thumb_down

I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

thumb_up thumb_down

I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.