When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

Use my phone to see what time it is

You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

not be afraid of hurricane sandy

When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.