Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

Sometimes I toot.

I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

I mean Diana Ross.

I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

I wonder if elections are rigged?

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.