sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

Justin Beiber is a woman

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

I talk to inanimate objects daily.

when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.