Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

I gotta get down of Friday

I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

Use my phone to see what time it is

Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.