Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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I gotta get down of Friday

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.