When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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I scratch and sniff.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.