like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Tear up when I poop

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.