When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.