Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.