While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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I read the down voted posts

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.