Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I gotta get down of Friday

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.