- Things You Think Only You Do

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.