When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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I think of who will I save if a killer come to school

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.