When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

thumb_up thumb_down -75

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

thumb_up thumb_down -83

i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

thumb_up thumb_down -87

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -125

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Run faster down hotel corridors.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

thumb_up thumb_down +34

masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Use my phone to see what time it is

thumb_up thumb_down +6

look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.