Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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Smile like an idiot while reading this site.

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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when riding home on my bike with music on pretenend im in a race with no1 and commentate on iend get really exccited on the last straight especielly when a rocky soundtrack song comes on

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Stepping on a LEGO block and instantly screaming and leap onto the bed.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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suddenly get stage fright when in a public bathroom stall and break the awkward silence by pretending you just went in there to get loo paper to blow your nose.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.