Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

I Masturbate Daily.

I have memorized my drivers license registration number

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.