Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

thumb_up thumb_down +7

That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

thumb_up thumb_down -1

When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.