Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.