Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.