When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.