Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

thumb_up thumb_down -65

i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

thumb_up thumb_down -79

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

thumb_up thumb_down -83

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -83

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

thumb_up thumb_down -83

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -109

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -123

Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Go for a 10 mile run.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I sleep in my underpants every single night

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.