I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Sometimes I toot.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.