I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.