Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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I gotta get down of Friday

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.