- Things You Think Only You Do

Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

I have memorized my drivers license registration number

When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.