Sleep with pillow between legs

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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Sometimes I toot.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.