I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Courtesy flush.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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k. everyone

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.