When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Only use the left earphone.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.