It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.