the power to regenerate your appendix

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.