walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Courtesy flush.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.