- Things You Think Only You Do

Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.