Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

thumb_up thumb_down -74

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

thumb_up thumb_down -80

When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

I gotta get down of Friday

thumb_up thumb_down -82

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

thumb_up thumb_down -86

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

The older I get the more honest I get

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.