always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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I am 23 and I still wish the stalk will take back my younger brother

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Food is always tastier the SECOND time you heat it up.

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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I hate being called "buddy".

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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When I need to poop in a public toilet, I poop to the side so there's no plop.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.