Use my phone to see what time it is

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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TV turned on just so... Makes you not feeling alone or because some other unknown (or) irrational reason.And of course, feeling guilty cause you spending energy and money but still... Most of the time you just don't care.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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Sometimes I toot.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.