Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.