Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.