Sleep with pillow between legs

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.