Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Play poly-rhythmic drum beats along with my turn signal on my car.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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I **** with no hands.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.