Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

Play poly-rhythmic drum beats along with my turn signal on my car.

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

I **** with no hands.

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.