(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Ur mum

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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Only use the left earphone.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.