When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.