- Things You Think Only You Do

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

fall asleep in the shower.

If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.