cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.