everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

I have memorized my drivers license registration number

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

Only use the left earphone.

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

Thinking your life is a movie...

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

Run faster down hotel corridors.

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.