....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

I gotta get down of Friday

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

I chew around the center of carrots.

I was the real Stig...

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

Mayada stupid

Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.