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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

Burp, and then automatically say burp afterwards.

Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.