after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

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Create the perfect song/poem/philosophical theory/scientific discovery right before you fall asleep and forget it in the morning.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.