When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Being fat

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.