Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Courtesy flush.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Picking my nose.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.