- Things You Think Only You Do

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

sometimes sigh sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

I have memorized my drivers license registration number

I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.