For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

thumb_up thumb_down -36

in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

only read the short jokes on this website

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

thumb_up thumb_down -40

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

thumb_up thumb_down -40

doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

thumb_up thumb_down -40

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

thumb_up thumb_down -44

test how many stares you can scale in one step

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.