after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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Being fat

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.