For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.