fall asleep in the shower.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.