Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

thumb_up thumb_down -104

I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

thumb_up thumb_down -110

The older I get the more honest I get

thumb_up thumb_down +63

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I hit the frig after sex

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.