Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.