When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.