worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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I chew my ice cream.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.