- Things You Think Only You Do

only read the short jokes on this website

use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

I rehearse arguments in my head.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.