Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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I scratch and sniff.

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.