Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Courtesy flush.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.