Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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only read the short jokes on this website

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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When I'm watching something or playing something and the character goes underwater, I hold my breath until the character reaches the surface. This is weird as hell, does anyone else do this?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.