Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Courtesy flush.

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

Thinking your life is a movie...

Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.