- Things You Think Only You Do

doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

not eating the ends of a hotdog.

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

Courtesy flush.

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.