I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.