Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Being fat

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I **** with no hands.

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.