Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Only use the left earphone.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.