Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.