Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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fap

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Think about breathing...

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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i masturbate with my feet

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.