Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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i masturbate with my feet

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.