I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Only use the left earphone.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.