- Things You Think Only You Do

Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.