- Things You Think Only You Do

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

only read the short jokes on this website

i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.