Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Think about breathing...

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I have a phobia of incest

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Make up a song to yourself.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.