I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.