Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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Getting over excited when you hear a song you like on the radio, even though you have it on your Ipod and can listen to it whenever you want.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.