- Things You Think Only You Do

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

I **** with no hands.

Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.