When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Mayada stupid

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.