Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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i open the cuboard door tosee if theres anything to eat and if theres nothing there i close it and go to the fridge if theres nothing there i go back to the cuboard =)

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Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.