When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.