- Things You Think Only You Do

I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

not eating the ends of a hotdog.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.