Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Sometimes when I go to a drive in restaurant, and get an order of fries, I empty the bag out, and there are a few fries in the bottom of the bag. I Enjoy those the most, as I feel they were free

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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I hold my breath in elevators

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.