Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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I chew my ice cream.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.