No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.