When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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only read the short jokes on this website

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.