Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.