try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

thumb_up thumb_down -52

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

I rehearse arguments in my head.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -60

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

read on youtube comments with too unlikes

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -70

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

I can't piss with my shoes on.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -76

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

thumb_up thumb_down -86

I was the real Stig...

thumb_up thumb_down -94

I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

thumb_up thumb_down -110

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -112

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.