Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Play poly-rhythmic drum beats along with my turn signal on my car.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

thumb_up thumb_down -14

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Use the 0.3141592653589793238462643383279502884 second rule

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Whenever I'm holding two round objects, I try to juggle them.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

thumb_up thumb_down -46

only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

thumb_up thumb_down -62

I have autofocus in my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.