Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.