Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Ur mum

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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fap

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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Courtesy flush.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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Sitting down in the shower

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.