I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.