I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -60

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Believing in the kindness of strangers

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Sitting down in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

thumb_up thumb_down -64

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

I have autofocus in my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -72

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

thumb_up thumb_down -72

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

thumb_up thumb_down -74

When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

thumb_up thumb_down -108

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

thumb_up thumb_down -130

Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.