when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Picking my nose.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.