I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Mayada stupid

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I scratch and sniff.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.