I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Courtesy flush.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.