While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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i masturbate with my feet

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.