I can only play a piano with my right hand

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.