Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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only read the short jokes on this website

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Smoking in the shower.

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.