HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I have a phobia of incest

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.