- Things You Think Only You Do

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

Only use the left earphone.

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! end of special message just for you

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.