For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I cant ride a bike

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.