like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.