If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.