Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I cant ride a bike

thumb_up thumb_down -33

the power to regenerate your appendix

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Believing in the kindness of strangers

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.