Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I have a phobia of incest

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.