Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.