After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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I chew my ice cream.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.