When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.