I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.